Glasgow-based therapist working online with adults worldwide
Working with Long-Standing Emotional Patterns
When the problem isn’t just anxiety — but a pattern that keeps repeating
When emotional needs go unmet early in life, we adapt.
We learn what keeps us safe, accepted, useful, invisible, in control, or out of trouble. Over time, these strategies can become patterns — ways of thinking, feeling, relating, and coping that once made sense, but may now be costing us.
The Adaptive Pattern Model identifies six common patterns seen in therapy. Each pattern has a purpose. Each brings relief. And each has a hidden cost.
They are intelligent adaptations to what you had to manage.
The six adaptive patterns:
01 · Responsibility
You learned that things went better when you stepped up.
You became the one who managed, organised, fixed, anticipated, and held things together. This pattern often creates capable, reliable people who get things done.
But over time, others may do less as you do more. Resentment can build —because you have been coping alone for too long.
Core thought:
“If I don’t do it, it won’t get done.”
Often associated with:
Burnout, overthinking, chronic stress, compulsive caregiving, difficulty relaxing, guilt, high-functioning anxiety.
02 · Pleasing
You learned that connection depended on being easy to be around.
You became good at reading people, avoiding conflict, smoothing things over, and keeping others comfortable. Your own needs may have become harder to notice, express, or prioritise.
This pattern often looks kind and thoughtful from the outside. Inside, it can feel hard to know what you want.
Core thought:
“I just don’t want any conflict.”
Often associated with:
People-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, relationship anxiety, guilt, resentment, loss of identity.
03 · Control
You learned that safety came from keeping things predictable.
When life felt uncertain, critical, chaotic, or unsafe, control became a way to manage fear. Plans, routines, high standards, perfectionism, and careful thinking can all create a sense of steadiness.
Control is not simply rigidity. It is a nervous system trying to feel safe.
Core thought:
“I need to know what’s going to happen.”
Often associated with:
Perfectionism, OCD traits, health anxiety, rigidity, overplanning, intolerance of uncertainty.
04 · Vigilance
You learned to scan for what might go wrong.
This pattern develops when threat, criticism, rejection, or emotional unpredictability had to be tracked. Your nervous system became alert, watchful, and ready.
In adulthood, this can show up as overthinking, anxiety, mistrust, difficulty switching off, or fearing that people will leave.
Core thought:
“Something always goes wrong eventually.”
Often associated with:
Anxiety, hypervigilance, panic, relationship insecurity, intrusive worry, difficulty switching off.
05 · Numbness
You learned to turn the volume down.
When feelings were too much, too frequent, or not met with enough support, the nervous system protected you by creating distance. You may feel flat, detached, unmotivated, or disconnected from yourself and others.
This is not an absence of feeling. It is protection from feeling too much.
Core thought:
“I don’t really feel much about it either way.”
Often associated with:
Emotional flatness, depression, disconnection, low motivation, depersonalisation, shutdown states.
06 · Withdrawal
You learned that pulling back helped you stay intact.
If people felt unsafe, demanding, unreliable, or draining, distance became a way to recover and regulate. You may want connection, but still find yourself retreating, staying home, or keeping parts of yourself hidden.
Withdrawal protects against a hurt the nervous system has learned to expect.
Core thought:
“I need time on my own to feel okay.”
Often associated with:
Social anxiety, avoidance, exhaustion after social contact, loneliness, fear of exposure.
Recognise yourself in one of these?
The quiz takes around two minutes and gives you a clearer picture of your most active pattern.
Developed by Gem Thomson, BABCP-accredited trauma psychotherapist and Clinical Director, Connection Psychotherapy, Glasgow.
Why these patterns persist
Early emotional environments shape how we cope, connect, and make sense of ourselves. When care, emotional attunement, or safety were limited or inconsistent, people adapt in intelligent ways. Those adaptations often continue into adulthood, even when circumstances have changed.
How therapy helps
Therapy with me is collaborative and thoughtful. We work together to understand the patterns shaping your inner life and relationships, and to loosen their hold.
People often experience:
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significant insight that brings real clarity
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a growing sense of internal ease
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renewed hope after carrying something for a long time
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more choice in how they respond, rather than feeling pulled by old momentum
My approach is relational and developmentally informed. We pay attention not only to what’s happening in your life, but also to what emerges within the therapeutic relationship, as this often provides valuable information and opportunities for change.
I draw on psychodynamic thinking alongside evidence-based approaches, always adapting the work to suit you.
Why work with me?
I offer a calm, grounded space where you don’t need to perform therapy “correctly”. I won’t rush the process, pathologise your experience, or push for insight before it’s ready.
I work alongside you — thinking with you rather than at you. For the time we work together, your difficulty is something I help hold and make sense of, until it feels lighter and more workable.
My experience comes from many years working across mental health settings, as well as from having engaged deeply in therapy myself. I understand the process from the inside, including the uncertainty, resistance, and relational complexity that can arise.
The aim is not simply change, but a more settled sense of being at home in yourself.
Frequently asked questions
Do I need to know exactly what I want to work on?
No. Many people begin with a sense that something isn’t quite sitting right. Clarifying that together is part of the work.
Is this therapy long-term?
It can be. Some people prefer focused work; others value longer-term space to explore patterns more deeply. We decide this collaboratively.
Do you work with men?
Yes. I work with many men and value the depth and thoughtfulness they bring to therapy.
Is therapy online?
Yes. Most of the sessions are offered online.
What’s the first step?
An initial consultation gives us space to talk about what you’re hoping for and whether working together feels like the right fit.
Next steps
if this approach resonates, the next step is an initial consultation. You don’t need to have everything worked out — we can begin from where you are.