The Iron Claw: A Reflection on Family Dynamics and the Invisible Drive
Watching The Iron Claw, I was struck by the childlike naïveté of the main character, played by Zac Efron.
Some parts of the family picture seem idyllic—the boys are action-oriented, playing and competing with each other without malice.
As the film progresses, the father becomes the focus, as he is the driving force behind all the motivation.
The family is told they have a "curse," which is used to explain the repeated violent and life-changing events that take place in the ring.
"The Curse" and Efron's character’s naïveté serve as necessary psychological defenses against the reality of who the father is and what he is willing to do in pursuit of glory.
The family dynamic consists of young, traumatised boys in grown male bodies, striving to gain their father’s approval so they can feel as though they truly exist in his eyes.
The tragedy is, in part, that they can never exist to him in the way they need. He is too captivated by glory as a means of obtaining his emotional validation.
Children of narcissistic parents carry an initial pain of loneliness or a lack of sense of self because, deep down, they know they are not truly seen.
They develop coping strategies to manage this pain—through excessive work, alcohol, food, sports, or rigid order. Then, in adulthood, when they are finally safe enough to see reality, they begin to understand what they missed out on due to their parents’ characterological adaptations. This realization initiates a journey of grief and recovery.
The drive to be seen doesn’t always announce itself openly, but a person must be seen to know they exist. It is a compulsive force beneath the surface, shaping behaviors and decisions in ways the family can’t always recognise. It takes an outsider—the main character’s wife—to name the truth so plainly: "It's your father's fault."
The invisible wounds of childhood can leave us caught in a loop, chasing acknowledgment or trying to escape the feelings of inadequacy instilled long ago. In these moments, our childlike selves are still able to take over, unable to see the bigger picture and unable to let go.
Breaking the Cycle
Sometimes, we survive childhood and our families of origin with adaptations to our way of being that simply feel like another version of me. "I people-please. I find myself obstinate and rude. I zone out. I drink".
These are all ways of tolerating emotions that feel intolerable. They feel intolerable because the message behind them contains a painful reality: I am not seen. I am probably not safe. I am not cherished. I don’t count here.
Once we reach a stable place in life—or feel ready to take this struggle on—we can go to therapy:
Learn about our adaptations.
Be grateful to them.
Thank them.
Understand why it hurt so much.
Feel the hurt in the safety of another. so we can let it go!
Let the therapist witness the childhood.
We become free to be our adapted selves, carrying our own story of survival. Personalities do extraordinary things to endure.

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