If you grew up around emotional unpredictability, criticism, coldness, or stress, your brain learned to scan for threat. Over time, social media can reinforce that pattern. The algorithm notices what you stop for. If you repeatedly watch betrayal stories, narcissism content, red flag videos, or relationship trauma posts, your feed slowly becomes a mirror of your emotional world. Your brain is constantly building expectations from what it sees. People who grew up without calm,

Because I work with an attachment focus, many of the people I work with have a fear of abandonment that shows up at points, even when, on the surface, things are actually going really well. They might be in a stable relationship with a good partner, and nothing is wrong. But there can still be a sense of threat or unease. This creates a pull to check things, think things through, and look for signs that something has shifted. Signs of Fear of Abandonment This fear can manifes

The Complexity of Closeness You feel love for your partner. You’ve chosen them. You can see what’s good in the relationship. Yet, somewhere inside, there is a strong internal reaction when the relationship moves forward at certain junctions. It might feel like restlessness, pressure, or a flicker of wanting space that feels confusing, even disloyal. You might find yourself thinking: Why do I feel this when nothing is wrong? Why does closeness sometimes feel like a weight? Why

Five Common Relationship Patterns Rooted in Early Adaptation People come to therapy for various reasons — burnout, anxiety, relationship difficulties, emotional flatness, or a vague sense that something isn’t right. However, the same early patterns often lie beneath these issues. Below are some common ways these patterns manifest in adult life. They aren’t labels or diagnoses; rather, they are recognisable adaptations — ways a system once learned to stay safe, connected, or v

If you’ve ever found yourself longing for someone who sends mixed signals, pulls close then withdraws, or gives you intense connection followed by silence, you’re not alone. Two forces are working together: 1. Childhood emotional neglect 2. The dopamine–intermittent reinforcement cycle Together, they create a powerful emotional and neurological pull that can feel almost impossible to break. This is a pattern rooted in your early emotional wiring and reinforced by your nervous

You tell yourself you’re fine. You’re strong, understanding, patient. You don’t ask for much.But deep down, there’s that quiet ache — the sense that something’s missing, that you’re always giving more than you receive. You try to be reasonable, to not ask for too much. You tell yourself your partner’s just stressed, tired, not great at talking about emotions. You make excuses because you love them — and because part of you still believes that if you’re kind enough, patient en

Patterns of Emotional Disconnection: Finding the Compass Back to Yourself Some people grow up without much nurturance. Nurturance is a basic childhood psychological need. To develop into healthy adults, children need to be nurtured. This is part of the healthy attachment system. If the side of a child that longs to be soothed isn’t looked after, they can grow into adults who don’t know what nurturance is. They may not understand what it feels like or even that this missing pa

Many people struggle with a deep fear of abandonment — the worry that a partner or loved one might leave, withdraw, or forget them. Often, it shows up as anxiety, jealousy, or suspicion, even when the relationship itself seems stable. If you recognise yourself in this, you’re not alone. As a therapist, I often meet people who describe anxiety but don’t yet realise that abandonment fears are underneath. They might say they feel anxious when their partner goes out for the eveni

Narcissistic Traits vs. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) vs. Immature Parents Understanding the difference between narcissistic traits, full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), and immature parenting can help you make sense of confusing or painful relationships. 1. Narcissistic Traits (Mild or Situational) These are common personality features that many people might show from time to time, especially under stress or when insecure. Examples include: Needing p

Watching The Iron Claw, I was struck by the childlike quality of the main character, played by Zac Efron. There is something profoundly young about him, as though part of him never quite had the chance to develop in the presence of a safe, emotionally attuned adult. At first, parts of the family picture appear almost idyllic. The boys are action-oriented, competing, wrestling, and striving together in ways that seem natural within the world they inhabit. There is energy, phys

How to Heal and Thrive as an Adult Raised by Narcissistic Parents Growing up with narcissistic parents can have lasting emotional effects that impact every aspect of your adult life. From distorted self-worth to difficulty in forming healthy relationships, the scars of being raised by a narcissist can linger long after you leave the family home. However, it’s possible to heal and reclaim your life. In this post, we’ll explore common signs that you were raised by narcissistic

Understanding Coping Modes in Schema Therapy: In Schema Therapy, coping modes refer to the different ways individuals adapt or respond to their emotional schemas. These coping mechanisms are often learned in childhood as a way of dealing with distressing emotions or unmet needs, but they can become maladaptive over time, leading to emotional difficulties and relational problems. Common Coping Modes in Schema Therapy Avoidant Coping Mode Description: In this mode, individuals