Emotional Patterns
Some emotional struggles are not isolated symptoms.
They are patterns.
Ways of coping, managing, protecting, staying connected, staying useful, staying in control, or staying emotionally safe that developed gradually over time and became automatic.
Many people arrive in therapy wondering why they:
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overthink constantly
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struggle to relax
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feel emotionally shut down
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repeat the same relationship dynamics
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carry responsibility for everyone else
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fear conflict, rejection, or abandonment
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become trapped in pressure, guilt, or self-criticism
The Emotional Patterns Model
The Emotional Patterns model helps make sense of these recurring ways of responding.
Rather than asking “What’s wrong with me?”, the model asks:
“What adapted?”
These patterns are intelligent adaptations to experiences, environments, and emotional conditions that once required you to cope in particular ways.
Over time, however, patterns that once helped can begin to create strain, exhaustion, confusion, disconnection, or a sense of being stuck.
The Six Emotional Patterns
Responsibility
You became the person who tried to look after everyone else..
Often associated with:
burnout, overthinking, chronic stress, compulsive caregiving, guilt, difficulty switching off.
Pleasing
You learned to maintain connection by keeping others comfortable and avoiding conflict.
Often associated with:
people-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, resentment, loss of identity, relationship anxiety.
Control
You learned that safety came through predictability, planning, and high standards.
Often associated with:
perfectionism, OCD traits, health anxiety, rigidity, overplanning, intolerance of uncertainty.
Vigilance
You learned to stay alert to what might go wrong.
Often associated with:
anxiety, hypervigilance, panic, mistrust, intrusive worry, difficulty relaxing.
Numbness
You learned to disconnect from feelings that became too overwhelming or unsupported.
Often associated with:
emotional flatness, shutdown, low motivation, depersonalisation, disconnection.
Withdrawal
You learned that pulling back created safety, recovery, or relief.
Often associated with:
social anxiety, avoidance, loneliness, emotional exhaustion, fear of exposure.
Resources and downloads
This section includes practical and reflective resources designed to help you better understand emotional patterns and begin responding differently.
Deep dives into the six emotional patterns
All resources developed by and copyright to Gem Thomson, BABCP-accredited trauma psychotherapist and Clinical Director of Connection Psychotherapy, Glasgow. All rights reserved.
Therapy & Consultation
Some people use these resources independently.
Others decide they would like therapy support alongside this work, particularly where patterns are linked to anxiety, trauma, relationship difficulties, emotional overwhelm, or long-standing ways of coping.
Therapy is collaborative, thoughtful, and tailored to the individual.
Approaches may include:
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CBT
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EMDR
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Schema Therapy
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Attachment-informed work
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Relational and developmental approaches
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Sessions are available online across the UK.