About Emotional Patterns
Some emotional struggles are not isolated symptoms.
They are patterns.
Ways of coping, managing, protecting, staying connected, staying useful, staying in control, or staying emotionally safe that developed gradually over time and became automatic.
Many people arrive in therapy wondering why they:
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overthink constantly
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struggle to relax
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feel emotionally shut down
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repeat the same relationship dynamics
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carry responsibility for everyone else
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fear conflict, rejection, or abandonment
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become trapped in pressure, guilt, or self-criticism
The Emotional Patterns
The Emotional Patterns model helps make sense of these recurring ways of responding.
Rather than asking “What’s wrong with me?”, the model asks:
“What adapted?”
These patterns are intelligent adaptations to experiences, environments, and emotional conditions that once required you to cope in particular ways.
Over time, however, patterns that once helped can begin to create strain, exhaustion, confusion, disconnection, or a sense of being stuck.
The Six Emotional Patterns
Responsibility
You became the person who tried to look after everyone else.
Often associated with: burnout, overthinking, chronic stress, compulsive caregiving, guilt and difficulty switching off.
Read more about compulsive caregiving and over-responsibility.
Download the full Responsibility Adaptation guide
Pleasing
You learned to maintain connection by keeping other people comfortable and avoiding conflict.
Often associated with: people-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, guilt, resentment, loss of identity, fear of rejection.
Read more about people-pleasing and losing yourself in relationships.
Control
Control
You learned that safety came through predictability, planning, and high standards.
Often associated with: perfectionism, overthinking, rigidity, difficulty relaxing, anxiety, emotional shutdown.
Read more about perfectionism, control and why letting go can feel unsafe.
Vigilance
Vigilance
You learned to stay alert, anticipate problems, and notice changes before other people do.
Often associated with: anxiety, hypervigilance, overthinking, insomnia, chronic stress, difficulty switching off.
Read more about hypervigilance and why your mind stays on alert.
Numbness
You learned to reduce emotional intensity when feeling too much became overwhelming.
Often associated with: emotional numbness, dissociation, low mood, burnout, reduced motivation, feeling disconnected.
Read more about emotional numbness and feeling disconnected from yourself.
Withdrawal
Withdrawal
You learned to protect yourself by pulling back when closeness, demand, or emotion felt too much.
Often associated with: avoidant attachment, social anxiety, overwhelm, hyper-independence, isolation, emotional distance.
Read more about withdrawal and why distance can feel safer.
Resources and downloads
This section includes practical and reflective resources designed to help you better understand emotional patterns and begin responding differently.
All resources developed by and copyright to Gem Thomson, BABCP-accredited trauma psychotherapist and Clinical Director of Connection Psychotherapy, Glasgow. All rights reserved.
Therapy & Consultation
Some people use these resources independently.
Others decide they would like therapy support alongside this work, particularly where patterns are linked to anxiety, trauma, relationship difficulties, emotional overwhelm, or long-standing ways of coping.
Therapy is collaborative, thoughtful, and tailored to the individual.
Approaches may include:
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CBT
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EMDR
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Schema Therapy
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Attachment-informed work
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Relational and developmental approaches
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Sessions are available online across the UK.