Do I Have ADHD, Bipolar… or Am I Just Wired Differently?

Many people come to therapy because something about their emotional life doesn’t quite make sense.

They notice ups and downs — waves of energy, stretches of flatness, periods of drive followed by collapse — and they start to worry.

Am I unstable?

Is something wrong with me?

Why can’t I just stay steady?

Often, these highs and lows aren’t signs of a typical recogised mood disorder at all.

They’re patterns the nervous system has learned over time — ways of coping, regulating, and surviving.

When something doesn’t feel right

You might recognise one or more of these:

• Your energy comes in waves — switched on for a while, then foggy or flat

• You cope well and stay competent… until you’re suddenly exhausted

• You feel low for a time, then lighter — only for the heaviness to return

• You feel most alive through intensity, urgency, conflict, or pressure

• You rely on something — work, substances, exercise, adrenaline, distraction — to change how you feel

These patterns can look similar from the outside.

Inside, they come from very different places.

How it shows up

When energy comes and goes in waves

Some people move between low stimulation — boredom, fog, flatness — and periods of intense engagement or focus.

When something grips, there’s clarity and momentum.When it drops away, everything feels heavy again.

This isn’t emotional instability.

It’s a nervous system that regulates through stimulation.

The higher-energy states bring engagement.The quieter states can feel uncomfortable simply because they’re quiet.

When competence turns into exhaustion

Others are capable, conscientious, and reliable.

They push on.They cope.They keep things together.

Until the body eventually forces a stop.

Burnout here isn’t a lack of resilience. It’s what happens when worth, safety, or stability have quietly become tied to performance.

Rest doesn’t always feel neutral in this pattern. It can feel unsettling — even undeserved.

When lighter moments appear — then quietly fade

Some people experience periods of sadness, flatness, or meaninglessness.

Then something lifts. There’s lightness, relief, or clarity. For a while, things feel better.

And then the heavier feeling returns.

This isn’t false progress.

Often, it’s a system that can only approach low mood in gentle, limited doses — allowing relief before returning to what hasn’t yet settled.

When aliveness comes through intensity

For some, long stretches of emptiness or disconnection are interrupted by intensity.

Pressure. Urgency. Conflict. High-stakes situations.

This pattern is common in people who’ve worked in extreme environments — including emergency services, military roles, or high-responsibility professions — where mobilisation once kept them functioning.

Intensity creates aliveness.Without it, things can feel strangely hollow.

When something becomes hard to give up

Many of these states can become compelling.

Stimulation. Overwork. Adrenaline. Substances. Even emotional intensity itself.

They work — at least for a while.

Because they were necessary adaptions. The nervous system has learned:This changes how I feel.

Often, people seek therapy not when something stops working entirely — but when it no longer works enough.

A different way to understand this

These patterns are long-term nervous-system strategies — ways of managing states that might otherwise feel overwhelming, empty, or unmanageable.

Instead of asking:

“How do I stop this?”

It can be more helpful to ask:

“What does this help me not feel — or not feel yet?”

When the underlying layer can be approached slowly, safely, and with support, the system often no longer needs such extremes.

How therapy helps

In my practice, I don’t try to force emotional balance or remove coping strategies before there’s something else in place.

We work by:

• Understanding how your system learned to regulate itself

• Making patterns visible without judgement

• Reducing self-blame and mislabelling

• Helping your nervous system tolerate steadier, less extreme states over time

That might involve working with:

• burnout and over-competence

• unresolved emotional weight

• nervous-system rhythm and regulation

• reliance on intensity, stimulation, or escape

  
  

Therapy is about understanding who you are; and the systems you developed to help you survive.

It’s about helping your system no longer need to work quite so hard.

If any of this feels familiar

You don’t need to recognise yourself in everything.

If one part resonated — that’s enough.

These patterns make sense. And they can soften.