What We Do in Therapy

(How Therapy Helps When You’ve Been Coping Alone for a Long Time)

People are often curious about what actually happens in the therapy room.

Many of the people who come to work with me have been circling the idea of therapy for a long time. They’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, followed thoughtful voices online. Some work in healthcare or support roles themselves. They are insightful, reflective, and self-aware — and yet, there is something they haven’t quite been able to reach on their own.

Often there’s a part of them that has wanted therapy, and another part that has held back. That makes complete sense. Therapy asks something different of us. It asks us to include ourselves.

When we begin together, people will often say:

• “I understand where my parents were coming from.”

• “They did their best.”

• “I’m fine though. I got on with it.”

And all of that may be true. At the same time, we can look at the patterns that have continued from those early years into adulthood — often without the person realising it.

These patterns might show up as:

• Relationships that feel difficult or confusing

• Staying in situations that don’t feel quite right

• Working hard to be capable, reliable, and steady — at the cost of yourself

• Going along with what others need, even when something in you quietly says no

• A difficulty finding your voice

• A sense of being slightly outside your own life

People often say, “I don’t know why I keep doing this. It doesn’t make sense.”But it does make sense — when we understand the emotional learning behind it.

This is where the work becomes meaningful.

Schema therapy helps us understand these deeper patterns with care and clarity. It allows us to see how a younger part of us learned to cope in the only way it could.And it gives us the chance to slowly shift those patterns so that life is led from the present, not from the past.

The aim is not to “fix” anything . It is to come back to yourself — to feel your core emotions without being overwhelmed, to know what matters to you, to take your place in your own life again.

One of the things I love about this work is how individual it is. No personality is the same. Every person has developed in their own unique way. And that they have the willingness to sit with me and explore that — to allow your own life to be seen — is something I find deeply meaningful every time.

If something in this feels familiar - you’re welcome to come and talk to me.