Why Can’t I Sit Still and Relax?

Struggle to sit still or relax? Discover why restlessness takes over in quiet moments, and how therapy can help you find calm.

Do you ever find yourself with a rare quiet moment — the telly’s off, the phone’s down, the to-do list is finished, there are no clubs to go to, and work has ended — and instead of feeling calm, the idea of sitting in silence fills you with dread?

For many people, stillness makes the nervous system spring into action. You feel you have to move, to do, to plan, to work, to scroll — anything but sit still. Restlessness often has a job to do: it keeps you busy, distracted, and away from what might come up in the quiet.

So why would stillness feel so difficult? Often the roots are earlier than we realise. In therapy, we sometimes look back at childhood through the eyes of the child you once were. For many, the busyness developed around a younger part of themselves that didn’t feel safe, or was silenced, ignored, or stunned into quiet. Recognising this can feel like a shock — but it’s also the start of repair, a way of going back to collect the child part of you who was left behind.

If you recognise yourself here, reaching out to a therapist can be a very helpful step toward to finding a gentler relationship with rest and stillness.